The Time Has Come

I knew this was coming. I knew it from the moment Trey KNEW he was called to missions. I knew it would be only a matter of time before the kids would want—no, NEED—to go with him. I knew the years would go by in a blink and a breath and I would find myself not only praying for Trey's protection and provision and purpose but for theirs.

The time has come.   

I'm both honored and humbled, and if I'm being honest, a little scared. I've learned that part of missions is ok.

Being scared.
It's not the absence of faith. It isn't. It's the thing that pushes you to pray harder with more intentionality and with less distraction. Being scared makes us HAVE to trust the One who called us into the situations that scare us in the first place. He knows what He's doing. He knows where we're going. He knows the plans He has for us are NOT to harm us, but to give us a hope and a future (Jer 29:11). He handles us with care, knowing how fragile we are, also fully knowing that we won't break if we stay nestled in the palm of his hand.

He just wants us to know it.

Like a loving, fierce, wise daddy who holds the hand of his child while crossing a busy street knows that his little one is safe because he's leading them and not letting go, we can know that our Heavenly Daddy will do the same with us.
And, our kids.

I'm finding myself not liking that last part. In the depths of my soul, I KNOW that to be the truth. God has never let us down or tricked us or proven Himself incapable of taking care of us. He's never once given us a stone for a piece of bread or a snake instead of a fish. (Matt 7:9-11) He ALWAYS gives us His very best. And, He always calls us to His very best plan for our lives. It's our choice as to whether or not we don't do it, or do it, even if we're scared.

The funny thing is, that my kids aren't scared at all. They are called to these projects, and they know it. I know it too. It just seems to be too soon for my mama's heart. To watch them grow and flourish and hear God's voice and calling for themselves is an awe-inspiring, deeply profound process. It keeps me up at night, wrapped up in some pretty intense conversations with their Creator and Caller. There are some places that I simply don't want them to go.

"Who's holding them..." is the question I hear, "Is it you or me?"

I so desperately want it to be me, but I'm not big enough and I would inevitably make their world too small if I was to hold them for forever. It reminds me of some dialogue between an unknowingly wise, albeit mentally challenged fish and a well-meaning, overly protective, fearful parent—

Overprotective parent: "I promised I'd never let anything happen to him."
Wisdom: "Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise."
Parent: "What?"
Wisdom: "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun..."

Yeah, wow.

I can't never let anything happen to my kids because nothing would ever happen to them.

Thanks, fish.

And, thanks God, for using that movie to remind me of your Word and promises. Something about being "strong and courageous" because He will "never leave us or forsake us" comes to mind. (Deut 31:6)

So, here I am, at the top of 2018, looking into a year that will, without a doubt, be a year of firsts for me. Especially when it comes to letting my kids go. Literally halfway around the world. And a year of firsts for them. Literally getting to go halfway around the world. I knew this was coming. I'm still getting used to the idea of it.

God is ok with that. I just keep swimming towards him.
And, I DON'T want to talk about "the swirling vortex of terror" that comes in the form of mama bear-dom and the what ifs.
I'm still working on swimming out of that.

Do you have any advice? What are your experiences with letting your kids go? On missions trips, away to college, to summer camp, exchange programs, moving out of the house... Any/All of those are forms of letting them go. Leave me your words of wisdom in the comment section. We can be praying for each other. I know I could use it!