Called Scared

Have you ever been scared to do something you know that you're supposed to do? Called to do? And you know it's a completely unfounded fear because, well, you're CALLED to do it. And you know you're called to do it because you have been running from it - and it always, ALWAYS - catches up with you, beckoning you back to the path you've so painstakingly avoided. 

You can't get away from a calling. You can run, but you can't hide. 
Have you tried it? 
It's impossible.

I know from experience.

It's been almost a year since I posted my last blog. I actually just went back and read it. It speaks to this very issue. 
It screamed at me, really....Through a megaphone....Plugged into an amp. 

Almost a YEAR that I've been running from this whole writing thing. I know it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it's massive to me. Many a night I've been up with words swirling around in my mind that need to be released. Those words have gotten trapped in my heart. They need an escape. 

I need an escape. 

Even if no one reads or listens, I'm certain that my calling is wrapped up in words. Tangled up, maybe. I'm learning that the only way to unravel my thoughts is to write them out. I'm learning to be obedient to my calling. I'm deciding to follow the lead of the One who whispers in my ear. He calls out. I follow His words. Which, surprisingly enough, He turns into MY words. 

Crazy how the God of the universe speaks to us in our own language. 
Through our own filter. 

It's taken a while for me to get used to hearing His thoughts and not dismissing them. 
Sometimes I think, "Noooooo, that's not YOU, that's just my wishful thinking"... Or, "Nooooo, that's WAY TOO BIG or WAY TOO INCREDIBLE a goal"... 
Or - the one that throws me for a loop almost every time - "That's ridiculous for me to even DREAM of doing or having THAT..."

Funny thing is, is that The Creator of ALL GOOD GIFTS wants us to have His good gifts! He wants us to follow our calling. After all, He's the one who has called us! 

If we choose to not think the thoughts, or accept the gifts, that He wants us to have, then we by default, are choosing to not accept the life He has in store for us. We choose to hold onto mediocrity. We choose to live mundane, monotonous, boring, unremarkable lives. We choose insipid and tasteless. We choose blah. 

So, I've decided to do myself a favor and heed my calling. It will bring me freedom. Maybe it may lead others to their freedom as well.

I was scared. Still am. I'm gonna do it scared. 

Are you running from something? Do you KNOW you're calling? Do you know what you're supposed to do? What is it? Speak it out. Call it forth! Name it. Decide to do it. 

Even if you have to do it scared!

Join the club. I think you'll find that you're in good company. We are all here for a purpose. We have a calling. 
                             


And, I'm pretty certain that the One who called you won't let you fall.